Illegal Housekeeper Becomes Center of Debate Between Whitman and Brown

Meg Whitman, candidate for governor for the GOP, blamed the opposing Jerry Brown for using Ms. Diaz as an unwitting chess piece in his unethical attempt to become governor of California. She claimed that the publicity on Diaz will only speed up her deportation. However, Nicky Diaz appeared to be a willing sacrifice in Jerry Brown's campaign. After November second, she will be dumped like a piece of trash across the border by the immigration authorities after being milked of all political use. Neither Brown nor Nicky's lawyer, Gloria Allred, will bat an eye on her afterwords.

Brown countered Whitman's damning accusation by directed all of the blame back at her, saying that she blamed everyone but herself for Nicky's predicament and she had most of the responsibility for Nicky's current position. Brown's and Whitman's eyes were gazing at each other with such ferocity and hate that they seemed like life-long enemies. Brown later forced Whitman to explain why she didn't know about Nicky's illegal status despite the letter sent from the Social Security Administration implying to Whitman of Nicky's possible illegal status. Whitman resorted to her usual excuse of saying that she was unaware of the letter.

Despite this embarrassing flap, Whitman is determined not to let the cunning Brown snatch the seat of governorship away from her. She had already invested over a hundred million dollars in her political campaign, a large portion of which was spent on attracting Hispanic voters. Their heated exchanges quickly became so heated that the organizers had to stop it momentarily.

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Threats Forced Government Witness to Recant Testimony

Suicides of Guantanamo Detainees Aren't Important

California Becomes Pothead Heaven

In an unprecedented move, Arnod Schwarzenegger, the current governor of California, signed legislation titled SB 1449 that legalizes pot up to a specific amount. The law changes the possession of marijuana from a misdemeanor to an infraction. The fine stays a one hundred dollars, which is much less than for a traffic infraction, but the requirement of going to a court is eliminated. The current stance on marijuana includes arrest, fining, and going to court. Due to the financial woes of the state government, the governoring body decided to reduce judicial expenses by lowering the criminality of pot possession so less potheads go to court which translates to less expenses. Over sixty-thousand marijuana users were arrested for possession last year alone.

The governor's stance on pot is negative. He was forced by the current financial circumstances of the state government to sign the law into effect. It was just one of the many budget cuts they are currently implementing to combat the problem. Many marijuana smokers rejoiced at the signing of the legislation as it officially begins the downward spiral towards the legalization of more hardcore drugs. Notable supporters of pot smokers, especially California NORML's director Dale Gieringer, praised the governor for legalizing the drug for common use.

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Oakland Police Officer Kills Puppy and Keeps Body

Shortly before noon on Tuesday, the Oakland police responded to a security alarm that went off. An officer was sent to Hallock's home. Upon inspecting the premises, the officer saw dog of the Labrador breed. Acting on self-defense, he quickly pulled out his guy and riddled the dog with bullets. Satisfied that he had done his duty, he left a written note on the front porch of the house. In it he wrote how he dutifully responded to the distress call sent from security alarm of the the Hallock's home, but encountered a threatening dog. He was forced to shoot the dog to death in self-defense. If the Hallocks want the dog's lead-filled body, it's available at the local animal control facility.

Mary Kate Hallock was the first to arrive back home and find the note. It was very technical and cold, basically with officer absolving himself of any wrongdoing. The whole Hallock family was distressed after hearing about the the news that Gloria died. The dog was with the family for many years and it all just ended. This draws a parallel to a similar incident early this year in Oakland where a deer was hastily shot to death before the local animal control workers could catch the deer. The Hallocks hope that more humane and non-fatal methods will be used in the future for similar incidents. The moral of lesson is that you can't go against protocol regardless if there are alternatives.

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District Judge in Intercourse Pulls Sexual Prank

A district judge in Intercourse of Lancester County, Pennsylvania, hid behind some trees in front of the Capitol on September 21 at around lunch time to pull a prank on unsuspecting women. Female pedestrians who passed by him were given acorns stuff with condoms. The condom acorns were intricately made by hollowing out the acorns, suffing them with condoms, and finally sealing them with glue. Two women who was offended by the prank called the police who quickly came and apphrehend the fifty-eight-year-old magisterial district judge, Isaac H. Stolfzfus. He was given a citation. It was a surprise to many people that knew him because he had a good, clean reputation as a judge.

His defense for the lewd act was that it was meant to be a gag, but not that many people are buying it. He claimed that he got the idea for the "rubber nut" prank from the internet. Currently he's still a judge, but that could change in the days the ahead, depending on the decision of the Judicial Conduct Board. His colleagues and friends kept their mouths shut regarding his bad joke. While what he did was unacceptable as a judge, at least he didn't masturbate in the courtroom.

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Seventy-Five Savages Fight at Birthday Party for Three-Year-Old Girl

Seventy-five drunken maniacs broke out in an all-out melee battle with bottles during a birthday party for a 3-year-old kid in Fraternal Order of Eagle's Hall in Elmwood Place, Ohio. Thirty other children also attended the party. The battle started with an argument and spiraled out of control. Realizing that civil conversation is for pussies, they resorted to the time-tested method of using violence to resolve their differences. Chairs, bottles, and anything that could be used as a weapon was thrown. With alcohol in their blood, every one of them was in absolute bloodlust, as is typical for their kind of people. A lot of police were called in to stop the ongoing battle. The first cops to arrived there were too afraid to get into the fray so they had to call for backup.

The reason for the fight was ridiculous: The father of the girl and the mother's boyfriend began arguing about the mother and the girl. One or both of them crossed the line and began throwing insults. Everything went downhill from there Ramon Marcela-Hernandez, the apparent instigator of the brawl, was arrested and jailed along with three other people. Despite the injuries suffered by so many people, no one from the party was willing to come forward to talk to the police about the incident. The language barrier further discouraged them from doing so. Meanwhile, the Children's Services have decided to handle the case on their own. Jesse Ficke, who worked at Eagle's lodge, initially thought they were nice people, but he realized that he was wrong after seeing their savagery that night.

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CNN Correspondent Narrowly Escapes Pervert's Clutches

An agent working for the conservatives, Jame's O'Keefe, had planned to troll Abbie Boudreau by arranging a meeting with her in his office on a boat that was filled with sex toys, blow-up dolls, video screens playing porn videos, and other sexual paraphernalia with the intent to film the meeting and making the edited version of the video public. His other intention was to hit on Boudreau, whom he had sexually fantasized about for a long time. However, it was a lame seduction attempt. Fortunately for her, she narrowly escaped the sexually charged prank after being warned by a woman working with O'Keefe who suddenly had troll's remorse and was also jealous of Boudreau being O'Keefe's love interest.

O'Keefe had a history of pulling pranks on Liberal groups. Most famous was the incident where he asked for sexual and tax evasion advice from ACORN workers. The prank worked and ended in ACORN's downfall despite the group being exonerated by the courts. Not content with doing just this, he continued to troll more, but got into legal trouble when he went to Lousiana Senator Mary Landrieu's home pretending to be a utility worker. This failed trolling attempt didn't stop him; it merely emboldened him into doing even more.

This time he tried to set up a meeting with Abbie Boudreau with the pretense of trying to reconcile with CNN. She almost fell for it. Standing by the Patuxent River and about to enter the boat, Santa suddenly approached and warned her that she's walking into a pervert's lair. Boudreau's instincts told her to leave and she did, narrowly avoiding the sexual harassment. If it weren't for the warning, videos and photoshopped pictures of Abbie Boudreau in sexually suggestive actions would've spread all over the internet.

Britney Spears Ad Nauseum in Glee

Britney Spears, the outdated celebrity, recently participated in an episode of Glee, which is a popular show about the adventures of a high school show choir. There was a lot of viewer anticipation for the episode, which was all about Britney. She basically played herself in the show, dancing and singing to all of her own dated songs. It's strange that she's still popular after all of her fuck-ups with drugs, marriage, and weight loss. Somehow the media companies figured they could still milk some cash from that cow and give Ms. Spears a major role in that episode.

Playing the character Brittany S. Pierce, it wasn't much of a name change for her in that episode. The plot was pea-brained simple: Brittany joined the club and all she did was sing and dance to solos. Everyone else faded into the background and became irrelevant. It was fairly obvious that the episode didn't fit well at all with the rest of the series. The reasons Brittany joined the choir club was equally ridiculous: there was a sudden huge demand for Britney's music from the club and the club had to meet the demand. Britney was already standing out like a pink elephant in that episode, but having every one of the characters sucking up to her made it even worse, especially Rachel, who dressed up almost exactly like Britney did during her teens with a naughty school girl look. So, in conclusion, this episode sucked epic balls.

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Former Airforce Officers Saw Little Green Men

A group of former airforce officers claimed that they saw unintendified flying objects while they were stationed at a nuclear missile facility. For whatever reason, they broke their vow of silence after so many years. Many people balked at the sheer absurdity of their claims. It sounds to ridiculous to be true. Speaking with a group of reporters along with his peers, retired air force captain Robert Salas recalled the details of the incident that made him pissed in his pants on the 16th of March, 1967.

It was like any other normal day. Mr. Salas was working long hours underground at the Malmstrom Airforce Base managing a cache of weapons of mass destruction. He was about to doze off on his chair when suddenly from the intercom he had the guard above ground say that he saw funny lights in the sky that were to quick to be aircraft. Salas thought the guy was tripping on drugs or something so he ignored the raving fool. Soon the guard called again and was delirious this time. The light was now a glowing disc-shaped object about 10 meters wide hovering very close to them. All guards above ground were on tactical alert. Salas was still skeptical but told them to fire at will if it becomes a threat. All of his remaining doubts were gone when the alarms went off and the control systems for the missiles went haywire.

The object then flew away to where the missiles were actually stored and then did a funny dance. Salas told the guards to chase after it, but lost contact to them during their armed confrontation. Afterwords the object flew away, apparently satisfied of it's toying with them. Right after the incident, during a meeting with higher officials, Salas and his coworkers were told to keep everything that happened that night at the facility a secret. No further questioning on the mattered was allowed. Ten nuclear missiles were rendered inoperable on that day using mysterious technology that beyond the capability of humans. Is Robert Salas a fraud just trying to make some easy bucks or is his story for real? Most likely he's lying because aliens couldn't possibly have visited Earth. If they had, we would all be gone by now.

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Sarah Palin Was Booed in Dancing With the Stars

It was a surprise when Sarah Palin went to the Dancing With the Stars show. She gave her "expert" opinion on professional dancing and praised the popular show and its participants. However, despite being very polite and sociable, the crowd was unkind to her. A chorus of booing was raised, and the audience emphasized their hate for a certain someone, but the mighty Sarah Palin stood her ground while continuing with her smiley face act, seemingly able to perfectly ingore the vociferous expression of popular hate.

Later on, though, she lost her cool and began fidgeting when the camera turned onto her face. The loud booing from much of the audience continued on for a long time. Not going with the sway of the crowd, Bristol Palin, her daughter, express gratitude that her mother was there to support her. Without her daughter, Sarah Palin probably would've broken down.

In the end, it was discovered that the booing was due to the poor scores that the judges Jennifer and Derek gave for a performance. It was ridiculous low despite it being an immense crowd pleaser. Knowing that unfair scores would make the audience react negatively, the judges probably timed it so that it would appear that it was Sarah Palin herself who got booed. It's either very crafty trolling or they're just being highly objective in their scoring. Regardless, Sarah Palin's expression was priceless.

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Flasher Acquitted Because It Wasn't the Real Thing

A man twenty-two years of age was accused of flashing his genitals in front of a school bus filled with Deland High School students. The police and prosecutors were adamant that James Richmond did commit public indecency. However, in a lucky reversal of fortune, he was acquitted because the penis that was shown wasn't real. Many people, including the parents, were furious at the ruling. Mr. Richmond cried in happiness that his epic trolling attempt didn't put him in the slammer. Despite being ordered by the judge not to laugh at the joke, no doubt some jurors giggled.

He's as lucky as Michael Jackson to have avoided a thirty-year prison sentence for the crime he allegedly commited and narrowly escaped being labeled as a pedophile for the rest of his life. The high school boys for some reason imagined that the fake penis that they saw was a real penis. Something seems wrong here though, if the guy was flashing his fake penis for weeks in front of students and if his fake penis looked like a real penis, then there might have been times when he didn't actually wear the costume and showed his manhood in all its glory. Regardless of whether he flashed his real penis or not, it doesn't change the fact that he's an attention whore. Seeing that it worked well in a Halloween party, he took it to the streets, trolling kids from a speeding car. He almost got what he deserved.

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Irony: Owner of Segway Company Autodarwinates on a Segway Scooter

Jimi Heselden was a sixty-two-year-old wealthy millionaire owner of a vehicle company who almost had it all. One crucial thing he lacked was common sense regarding safety. While driving two-wheeled scooter made by his own company, he accidentally drove off a cliff and died after the the fall. The vehicle was supposedly safe because it had state-of-the-art position-sensing techology to allow it and the driver to remain upright. It's steered by the rider's shifting of their weight.

Why did Mr. Heselden died the way he did then? His overinflated ego probably clouded his awareness of his surroundings and that led him to driving his vehicle off a cliff and into a river. His horribly mangled body was found at the Boston Spa on Sunday by a person unlucky enough to have found him. His trusty two-wheeled scooter was found next to his body. No foul play was suspected because it was fairly obvious that the cause of death was his own sheer stupidity. It's unfortunate that Mr. Heselden's life was ended by his own hands. If he had been more vigilant and cautious, he would've survived. His stupid death earns him the Darwin Award.

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Not Surprisingly, Fake Scholars in China

Police in Beijing have arrested four men associated with the attack of Fang Zhouzi, a well-known journalist known for exposing frauds in various fields of study, especially in science and medicine. He was lucky enough to survive the bludgeon-type attack from a hammer. The professor who paid for the vicious attack was arrested along with the attackers. Since China is well known for counterfeiting anything from movies to food, it's not surprising that this incident happenened. It was just a matter of time before the self-proclaimed enforcer of science pissed off the wrong guy.

Amazingly he was unfazed by the attempt on his life, which occured right after an interview. With the help of security cameras and witnesses, the hired goons and the professor were quickly apprehended. The adage "truth hurts" is never more true in this cse. Both the perpetrators of the fraud and the exposer of the fraud suffered.

Zhouzi's previous work included exposing fraudulent cancer medicine, fake chinese herbal concotions and false claims associated with them, and the big one were he exposed Tang Jun as a false scholar. Jun was about to get a top position in Microsoft but was rejected when Zhouzi exposed him as a fraud. I wonder what kind of fraud will China come up with next?

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Piss in My Bucket? It's More Likely than You Think.

Many buckets of piss and excrement were found in large quantities in the backyard of a house on 223 Eve Street of Harrisburg where people once lived. The tenants were evicted without compensation after the house was condemned due to hazardous conditions. Some say that this might be the tip of the iceberg of sanitation problems in buildings in the area. Nothing new here folks. If the neighborhood is shitty, the houses where people live in will most likely be shitty.

The housing inspector asserted that people can't live in unsanitary buildings that are hazardous to health regardless of whether or not the tenants are willing. Shouldn't be a problem living there if one can withstand a leaky roof, broken floorboards, and an unworking plumbing system. At least you get a roof over your head. The local codes are just finicky. Both the tenants and the landlord were blaming each other for the problems. However, both of them have their own responsibilities. The tenants were apparently unkempt and dirty people while the landlord was shamelessly corrupt according to the neighbors.

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